Disconnected thoughts about love

During a philosophical seminary, the lecturer was talking about the balance between hesitation and courage, and how you need to take the first step - the leap of faith. 

And honestly, these words just destroyed me due to the complete and utter consciousness that I was doing nothing to achieve the love I yearned for. Does this leap of faith, then, only leads to being smashed to the ground several times without ever experiencing flying? 

Personally, I think there's a common view among the young philosophers that "loved" is something that one is and not something that someone does. It's undeniably a feeling, but it's also an action and, more importantly, a choice. And I think that "hope" and "desire" can trick a person into thinking great love is out there and will come to them (with little to no effort). And while it is true that this is possible, love takes effort and reciprocity. It takes giving to receive, nothing is ever free. 

It's a balance. 

The burning desire is just fuel to jump in that leap of faith that may or, more likely, may not flourish.

I would never recommend to skip the crucial step in which you love yourself (loudly and unapologetically) the way that you wanna be loved until it becomes an instinct, however we are not ghosts in a world of ectoplasms, the thick air is dense and tangible and influenced by individual choices, which will lead to a new path. The realization that I will never survive in this bloodbath hoping to come out dry has deeply disturbed me because it is a common and widespread concept that my subconscious has accepted a long time ago, but that now seems both familiar and never seen before. 

I discussed this in more depth in my short book

'Murders of Crows in the stars',

but quoting Richard Siken, "Someone has to leave first, and this is a very old story. There is no other version of it."